Have you ever felt so disgusted at yourself that you feel like you don’t deserve any love forgiveness of someone you’d literally give your heart to…
The feeling you get when you do something with good intentions but’s the good is lost in the murkiness of the situation you are in.
Have you felt so angry at yourself by pushing away your soulmate thinking that you are doing things for your both your welfare, have you ever felt alone? Loneliness as result of pulling someone too close so close that you wish the tension would break your rib cage and reveal your lonely cold soul.
I did, I loved a girl so hard I broke her fragile soul into tiny pieces.
They say I’m an old soul, that I have lived many lives, then why the heck did i not learn this before, why now? Why Her, and Why me.
I feel like I’ve driven a dagger inside my heart, so violently that it tore a hole inside my soul.
I feel like I’ve wanted to feel loved so bad that I actually forgot to love who I’m meant to love, it’s like breaking a teapot beyond repair while trying to wash the unreachable parts, or killing a camel by forcing it through the hole of needle.
I feel cold and lost and at the same time angry at my stupid self for taking myself there. They say this is a temporary feeling, like a tiny fraction of an otherwise happy life, but why does it feel like eternity.
Why does it feel like this moment defines my existence, Why do you have to find yourself in someone and then lose it when you try to embrace it.
When you stare at the abyss it stares back at you, I feel like the abyss staring at my own happiness vanishing into darkness like a wisp of smoke, to never be found again to cease to exist, like it was never there in the first place.