Never Fuck A Writer

Forbidden Fruit: Thought I

Reading Time: 6 minutes You have been made to believe that the forbidden fruit was a red apple, right?
I mean, when you imagine Eve giving the fruit to Adam, you can actually see her handing him the red apple she got from the snake, no?
If you remember your Sunday school days, the pictures you were shown of the creation story show the tree of the middle as an apple tree with red apples hanging from it.
The snake meanders on the tree and then talks to Eve who eats and… you know the story, the destruction of the earth and humanity.
Alright.
Permission to call bullshit?
Way I see, these guys just had sex.

A Waste of Good Sin

Reading Time: 5 minutes You should have known the size of your dick in comparison to other men so you can gauge where you at and adapt which styles and positions and compensations might work for you so that you can satisfy and get satisfied in bed and not end up on some writer’s blog.

I Have A Hawt Bae!

Reading Time: 3 minutes Tonight, I have a date with my hot bae. He told me to take him to Subway, apparently, they have awesome Shawarmas. He also requested that once I have grabbed my Uber at Juja, I should pick him up in Ngong Road. Said I should treat my man and that’s how he is used to being treated anyway. Fifth wave feminism.

Did I say anything else about my bae except that he is hot? Yes, because he is, hawt!

CATTITUDE: Fact is Men are More Like Cats!

Reading Time: 7 minutes Believe me; there is nothing as fake as the affection you receive from a cat. A cat, just like Pus Kanyau and my ex-Ray, is a useless creature that forges affection for their selfish gains. A cat will manipulate you in every way possible so that she can get anything she wants. They look at you when directly in the eyes when they are lonely or bored. They will rub your feet with their head and then climb up your stomach, chest, or neck and stay there, just until they rid their boredom. Then they will disappear to your neighbor’s. I remember when Ray would stand me up then later come to me and lie on my laps, apologizing with soft kisses on my lower belly, caressing my thighs and I would instantly forgive him. After we had made love, he would leave and repeat the same mistake that night. The other day Pus Kanyau was scratching my 15k mattress, and I yelled, “Pus Kanyau!” she ignored me and continued. I kicked her and I thought she was dead only for her to come meow with her face on my legs.

The Douchebag Market I

Reading Time: 4 minutes In my 10 loyal years to the douchebag market, I have been with a boy who asked me for money every step of the way, a thief, a complainer, a serial-womanizer, a peddler, a psycho and a guy who asked for money a lot. You should see my re-battle on Zero Chills TV, or you can just any of my friends.